Ethimus

Dalam mencari kesempurnaan aku menghadapi kekecewaan. Dihina. Dicaci maki. Diherdik dan sebagainya. Makin lama aku mencari, makin tidak aku temui. Ada yang menepati cita rasa, tetapi ada kurangnya. Ada yang tidak kena dengan rasa, tetapi ada kelebihannya. Manusia. Kau lupa. Bukankah yang sempurna itu cuma tuhan? :)

Let me share with all of you my story. I been in a situation where i was madly in love with this one guy, but this person, he never loved me as much as i did love him. So the only thing i can do as his friend was by allowing him to love other girl besides me. Girls, you know Love is real when the only thing you want for that person is to be happy. With or without you, but please be happy. Thats all you'll ever ask him for. You know you really loves him when you want him to be happy. So what i did was-- i asked him to date a girl he can handle. Yes i asked him. We were in a relationship for few months. It was lovely. Ofc. You were in a relationship with your crush. Who wouldnt like it duh??? But too bad in life you cannot force love. Love comes from your heart. Not your mind. I can felt him struggling to understand me. So i decided to end the relationship with me and asked him to date someone else. To date someone he feels happy to be around. Someone he wants to give

Aku dilahirkan untuk berkawan dengan orang-orang yang perangai dia org tak boleh deal. Tapi aku boleh deal dan bersabar serta diam dan mengiakan sesuatu yang dia ckp. Sebab mak aku pesan "Perangai buruk orang mesti ada baik dia. Macam kita, kalau kita kata kita dah cukup baik, kita mesti ada perangai buruk yang tuhan je tahu". And i gotta agree with that statement. Sebab tiap2 kita ada aib sendiri. Kalau orang lain tahu aib kita mungkin tahap kepercayaan diorang kat kita dah turun. Betul lah tu, Cuma tuhan je tahu macam mana kita. Selagi boleh sorok rabak hati tu diherdik, soroklah. Selagi boleh sabar dimaki hamun. Sabarlah. Sebab orang sabar tak pernah rugi ☺

If u have any issue on anyone maybe because that person suddenly hates you without any solid reason-- Do not react. If you reply to that person's hatred you will eventually look like you are easily triggered. Try not to react & reply with harsh words. Do not downgrade your level to be on the same level as that person. Because-- Silence is golden.

Mencintai dan dicintai. Dua perkara yang berbeza. Kau mencintai tapi tidak dijanjikan akan mendapat pulangan perasaan yang sama daripada pihak itu. Kadang-kadang kau dicintai. Tetapi-- kau pula tidak mencintai. Unik. Tuhan. Jika mencintai dan dicintai membuatkan aku lupa akan hal yang lebih penting. Biarlah penangguhan menjadi jalan penyelesaian.

What can i say. Life isnt perfect. At all. Kita mungkin kurang dekat satu benda dan lebih kat satu benda. Contoh simple. Family. Ada org rasa setakat family benda kecik. Ada org daripada dia lahir family dia tak pernah bahagia. Masalah daripada parents bawak ke adik beradik. Banyak masalah timbul. Itu salah satu punca kenapa ada sesetengah kawan kau yang dia nampak mcm bahagia tapi sebenarnya derita. Mungkin jugak ini salah satu sebab kenapa antara kawan2 korang yang jenis susah kita nak dekat atau nak bergaul dengan dia. Yang jenis cepat koyak. Mungkin. Mungkin ini salah satu sebabnya. Bab benda2 kecik pasal feelings diorang susah tak boleh nak handle. Cepat marah. Cepat terusik dan terguris. Contoh lain. Pasal belajar. Ada member yang jenis selalu rasa down. Mungkin sebab dia selalu di pandang rendah oleh orang lain. Jenis yg org selalu pertikaikan benda yang dia nak buat. Bukan semua benda senang kat kau, senang kat orang lain. Benda bab belajar ni nampak simple. Tapi seseteng

I have two choices. The easiest one & the hard one. I can take the easiest one if I want to-- But no. Because the only thing that i want from the start is to become someone with goals and the only way to get it is to give my 100% hard work to it. But moral support from my family & my best friends. I need it the most. I want to try and i want to see if i can go beyond my limitation. I know things are hard. But somehow there are voices screaming in my head telling me not to give up on my dream that easy.  I admit there are times that i cry behind closed door. Crying. Over and over again. You see. Failing is never easy. Dealing with depression and anxiety are hard. Trust me i been there. But i want to do it. I really dont want to give up. I received harsh words from everyone. Been cursed at so many times just because im a failure. Failing is shitty. Yes. But to give up is shitty-er.