Dalam mencari kesempurnaan aku menghadapi kekecewaan. Dihina. Dicaci maki. Diherdik dan sebagainya. Makin lama aku mencari, makin tidak aku temui. Ada yang menepati cita rasa, tetapi ada kurangnya. Ada yang tidak kena dengan rasa, tetapi ada kelebihannya. Manusia. Kau lupa. Bukankah yang sempurna itu cuma tuhan? :)
Happy Birthday N. The one who drives me insane. l hate how vulnerable i can be when i love someone. Thats why i choose not to show you how much i love you because i might appear weak and it will be easy for u to break me into pieces again... The very 1st time i get affected so easily by a guy's actions and words. I hate the fact that i cant unlove you. Maybe i could find 10 thousand guys better than you but you know how hard-headed i can be at times and i still want you. I hate myself for having this kind of attitude. But idk. You could utter countless cursed words and ofc i will get upset and sad but i get over it and love you again.. idk why i did that.. Based on my experience dealing with your alter ego, i wanna fix the broken part of you. Tho im a mess and damaged. I still want to fix you. Im afraid that i cant do this anymore and ended up marrying someone else because i give up on you. I never imagine myself loving someone else. I wanna grow old with you and you said once we
I have two choices. The easiest one & the hard one. I can take the easiest one if I want to-- But no. Because the only thing that i want from the start is to become someone with goals and the only way to get it is to give my 100% hard work to it. But moral support from my family & my best friends. I need it the most. I want to try and i want to see if i can go beyond my limitation. I know things are hard. But somehow there are voices screaming in my head telling me not to give up on my dream that easy. I admit there are times that i cry behind closed door. Crying. Over and over again. You see. Failing is never easy. Dealing with depression and anxiety are hard. Trust me i been there. But i want to do it. I really dont want to give up. I received harsh words from everyone. Been cursed at so many times just because im a failure. Failing is shitty. Yes. But to give up is shitty-er.