Benci

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Aku benci duduk di sini.
Benci menunggu yang tak sudi
Benci mengenang memori.
Benci teramat benci.


Setahun je lagi Ed.
Sabar.

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Happy Birthday N. The one who drives me insane. l hate how vulnerable i can be when i love someone. Thats why i choose not to show you how much i love you because i might appear weak and it will be easy for u to break me into pieces again... The very 1st time i get affected so easily by a guy's actions and words. I hate the fact that i cant unlove you. Maybe i could find 10 thousand guys better than you but you know how hard-headed i can be at times and i still want you. I hate myself for having this kind of attitude. But idk. You could utter countless cursed words and ofc i will get upset and sad but i get over it and love you again.. idk why i did that.. Based on my experience dealing with your alter ego, i wanna fix the broken part of you. Tho im a mess and damaged. I still want to fix you. Im afraid that i cant do this anymore and ended up marrying someone else because i give up on you. I never imagine myself loving someone else. I wanna grow old with you and you said once we
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To give up or not to give up. Choices are in your hands.

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I have two choices. The easiest one & the hard one. I can take the easiest one if I want to-- But no. Because the only thing that i want from the start is to become someone with goals and the only way to get it is to give my 100% hard work to it. But moral support from my family & my best friends. I need it the most. I want to try and i want to see if i can go beyond my limitation. I know things are hard. But somehow there are voices screaming in my head telling me not to give up on my dream that easy.  I admit there are times that i cry behind closed door. Crying. Over and over again. You see. Failing is never easy. Dealing with depression and anxiety are hard. Trust me i been there. But i want to do it. I really dont want to give up. I received harsh words from everyone. Been cursed at so many times just because im a failure. Failing is shitty. Yes. But to give up is shitty-er.
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"I love him. But he never loves me what should i do? "

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