Him

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I loved him.
I love him.
And i will always love him.

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N

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Happy Birthday N. The one who drives me insane. l hate how vulnerable i can be when i love someone. Thats why i choose not to show you how much i love you because i might appear weak and it will be easy for u to break me into pieces again... The very 1st time i get affected so easily by a guy's actions and words. I hate the fact that i cant unlove you. Maybe i could find 10 thousand guys better than you but you know how hard-headed i can be at times and i still want you. I hate myself for having this kind of attitude. But idk. You could utter countless cursed words and ofc i will get upset and sad but i get over it and love you again.. idk why i did that.. Based on my experience dealing with your alter ego, i wanna fix the broken part of you. Tho im a mess and damaged. I still want to fix you. Im afraid that i cant do this anymore and ended up marrying someone else because i give up on you. I never imagine myself loving someone else. I wanna grow old with you and you said once we
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To give up or not to give up. Choices are in your hands.

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I have two choices. The easiest one & the hard one. I can take the easiest one if I want to-- But no. Because the only thing that i want from the start is to become someone with goals and the only way to get it is to give my 100% hard work to it. But moral support from my family & my best friends. I need it the most. I want to try and i want to see if i can go beyond my limitation. I know things are hard. But somehow there are voices screaming in my head telling me not to give up on my dream that easy.  I admit there are times that i cry behind closed door. Crying. Over and over again. You see. Failing is never easy. Dealing with depression and anxiety are hard. Trust me i been there. But i want to do it. I really dont want to give up. I received harsh words from everyone. Been cursed at so many times just because im a failure. Failing is shitty. Yes. But to give up is shitty-er.
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"I love him. But he never loves me what should i do? "

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Let me share with all of you my story. I been in a situation where i was madly in love with this one guy, but this person, he never loved me as much as i did love him. So the only thing i can do as his friend was by allowing him to love other girl besides me. Girls, you know Love is real when the only thing you want for that person is to be happy. With or without you, but please be happy. Thats all you'll ever ask him for. You know you really loves him when you want him to be happy. So what i did was-- i asked him to date a girl he can handle. Yes i asked him. We were in a relationship for few months. It was lovely. Ofc. You were in a relationship with your crush. Who wouldnt like it duh??? But too bad in life you cannot force love. Love comes from your heart. Not your mind. I can felt him struggling to understand me. So i decided to end the relationship with me and asked him to date someone else. To date someone he feels happy to be around. Someone he wants to give
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